Share a Little Magic! That is the national slogan for Big Brothers and Big Sisters. It is absolutely perfect. I don’t think I really believed the total truth of those words 4 years ago. I mean magic is a relative term.
My daughter at 17 years old, self confident and determined had just left to attend MountAllisonUniversity in New Brunswick. I knew that I had something to share with another young girl. Being a Brownie Leader had been fun but there just wasn’t the connection that I was looking for.
I met my “Little” in October 2004 and was matched with Olivia on the 31st of January 2005. Olivia was in grade 6 at the time; an awful grade for an overweight, shy, insecure girl. School was the last place she wanted to be; that was where the other kids teased relentlessly, where days were long, and where support was hard to find. Olivia was extremely attached to her mother; she didn’t like to be away from home and was battling an obsession with germs when out in public.
Our match started out quietly, I was looking for a little that enjoyed board games, cards, and such, as I love quiet pastimes. Livey, as I came to call her, took the first step and agreed to come to my house as she too liked games. So games we played, every week from 4:00-7:30 we sat in the kitchen, ate dinner and played. There wasn’t a lot of talking, just this calm reassurance that the games would be played fairly, we would have fun, and I wouldn’t judge or put down.
Our time in the car was when Livey started to open up. I began to get the stories from school; her describing how she felt. This gave me the opportunity to share my thoughts and give her advice on handling bullies. I was able to guide her and talk about likely herself and not to worry about what the other kids said.
As the relationship and trust grew we began to go out and take part in other activities that Olivia enjoyed. We would go to public skating and to attractions. I would have to open the doors as I could see the panic regarding the germs all over her face. But I never made this an issue, its best to carry on and act as natural as possible. I believed that if the germ issue was not nurtured it would wither. In time it has, Olivia has worked hard to control these obsessions and maturely takes responsibility for her actions.
Livey made it through grade 7 and 8 with improving self esteem. She never wanted me to help her with homework but it was often a part of our conversations. She was very aware that she needed to stay focused and apply herself to gain better grades. Livey hated the way the kids at school treated her but started to attend regularly. I’m not sure what caused the change; it may have been that I wouldn’t see her if she stayed home on our night, but she actually seamed to challenge herself not to miss school. She almost got perfect attendance in grade 8. Though she was in the remedial help classes for her English and Math, she continued to excel taking the “Most Improved Student” award at her Grade 8 Graduation.
Swimming was an activity that Livey enjoyed, so we encouraged her to take lessons. She liked the thought of becoming a lifeguard. The first few times at a public pool in a public change room was intimidating, but the strong girl inside persevered. Livey overcame the fact that she was much older that the other students in her Red Cross lessons. A number of levels higher she overcame some taunting by school girls in her group. She practiced, she walked regularly to get more fit, and she was challenged to be more aggressive. She will make it, only one more level to go!
“Special thanks tothe YMCA of Simcoe/Muskoka and the Canadian Tire / Mark’s Work Warehouse Jump Start program; for these organizations have provide excellent funding and support for Olivia to continue attending this sporting activity.
Colleen Preston, Aquatic Programmer at the Borden Pool has given great encouragement to Olivia as she has progressed through the Red Cross and Lifesaving Society Programs. Thank You
High school brought even more impressive development. Olivia changed over the summer into a taller leaner young lady. She was finding the person that she wanted to be. Livey became more independent and self assured and it showed in her school work.
Take away the stresses and bullies and a persons mind is free to learn. Olivia did so well in her first semester that she was able to move into all the mainstream classes. That hardly slowed her down. Those homework habits and perseverance gave her a great foundation. Having the confidence to ask for help and the common sense to set attainable goals, she is forging ahead.
Yes magic is a relative term. Did I conjure up tricks, or use super natural powers to help Olivia grow and succeed? No, by merely changing the circumstances and establishing a strong supportive relationship, we have both flourished. Thank you Livey because “Big” and “Little” are relative terms and you are “Big” in my eyes.
Four years later, so proud of Livey I tear up when I think about her, I am exhilarated, and I believe in magic!
On behalf of Olivia, her family and I (Pauline);
Thank You Big Brothers & Big Sisters of South Simcoe (BBBSSS) for the support this organization provides to “Little’s” & “Big’s”.
Changing lives, one child at a time!
Share a Little Magic!
Pauline Wallen, March 2009